A Shield For Faith

Last week at school I revealed a project I had been working on since winter break. I planned on it being a weekend project. That didn't happen. I ran into SO MANY problems I nearly gave up, several times. But in the end, I managed to complete it. Some of you know it as Project Snowstorm, to some of you it's the shield, to others you might have no clue what I'm talking about. But I'm about to tell you the story behind it.

Winter break was an extremely tough time for me. There were times when I had literally zero motivation to do anything. But, through reading scripture, prayer, and the support of my friends I made it through. Not only did I make it through, but I had also found something to get motivated about.

I was struggling with my faith, not necessarily doubting it, but I just didn't have much of it. But like I said, inspiration hit. I remembered who I am and why I'm here; it's not for me. It's for God. And no matter how hard things get, He will be there with me every step of the way. So I decided to make myself a physical reminder of this, similar to the little cross necklace I made back in high school. I wear that necklace every day to remind myself of what Jesus did for me, and so I don't take that for granted. He gave up everything for me and He deserves no less than my best regardless of how I feel.

I tell you that so that you might have a better understanding of why I took on this other project. What is it exactly? It's a shield. But not just any shield. It's not even a Captain America shield, as cool as that would be. It's a shield for faith. Now, you might be wondering why I didn't say "a shield of faith." That's simple. The shield is not made of faith. It's just metal and paint. But, I made it to remind myself to always have faith. Because it's one thing to say, "yeah, I've got my shield of faith today." It's a whole other thing to carry around a physical shield. It's there. It's tangible. It has weight. You can't help but be reminded that you're carrying this thing around. What I'm saying is, it makes it real. It solidifies the concept in my mind. I know that God will be with me whatever I may be going through, sure. But when I look at that shield, I instantly think, "you know, God's got this. He's never failed before and He won't start now. It doesn't matter how I feel. It doesn't matter how hard the situation may be. I am His, and He will always be there to get me through. I can always have faith in Him.

Making the shield was no easy task. I started with a circular metal sled. I cut the outer edge off to remove the curled lip. My friends let me tell you, cutting a perfect circle on a curved surface is no piece of cake. After that I stripped the red paint off of both sides of the disk. That was a pain as well. Eventually,I found a better paint stripper, but it still took me about four solid days to get down to bare metal. I definitely thought about quitting at that point. But I didn't. By the time I had the paint stripped, it was time for the spring semester of college to start. So the project got put on hold. At some point I decided to take a weekend and just finish it. By then, the disk was covered in rust. So I had to clean that off. It took a whole day to clean and mask off my design. But by the end of the day, I had it painted. The next day I clear coated it. I did not have the proper technique and in the end, some areas the clear coat puddled and in others it splattered. It was ruined. The only way to fix it would be to strip the whole thing and start over. I was in tears. I had put so much into the disk and was so close to having it finished and then I screw it up. After that happened, I was done. I gave up on it. I planned on getting a spun aluminum disk and starting over. So the ruined disk sat in my room for over a month.

Two weekends ago I was having another hard day. So I was in my room listening to music. The song that came on reminded me that life isn't perfect. Rarely, if ever does life go the way we expect it to. I looked over at the disk and something just clicked. I realized my faith isn't perfect either. I have doubts, I falter, I mess things up, but that's what makes me who I am and makes me turn to God. It's easy to praise God in the good times, but it is hard as crap to praise Him when everything is crashing down on you. So I finished the shield. I cleaned the rust off the back, made a handle and an arm strap, and cleared the back. It was done. Now, some of the rust had started to show on the front through the clear coat. But, this wasn't news to me. It had looked like that a couple of days after I cleared the front. The clear coat prevented it from rusting any further. But the rust that did show through, gave it this beautiful golden color. That made me think, that's kind of the way God uses us. He takes all of us, including our broken parts and makes something beautiful.

I said I made the shield for the same kind of reason I made my necklace. I wear the necklace every day. Now, I'm not going to carry around a giant metal shield around everywhere I go, not every day at least. I had a hard, disappointing day this past weekend and I knew that Monday would be an especially tough day for me. So I decided to take the shield with me and carry it around wherever I went. I needed the physical reminder that God has me and I could and needed to put my faith in Him to get me through. That's why I made it in the first place!!! It helped. It also strengthened something else in my mind. I often worry about what other people will think of me. So it took a bit of courage to walk around campus all day with a metal shield on my arm. I mean, that's not normal. People know that's not normal and some even stared. But then I remembered, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks about me. It only matters what God thinks about me. So for those of you that did see me with it yesterday, know this: I wasn't carrying it around to show off. In fact, I was a little embarrassed walking around with it at first. But, I was carrying it because yesterday was a hard day for me. I'm okay, though.

To everyone who's reading this:
I love you! Jesus loves you!!! I hope you have a great day!

Here are some pictures of what the shield looked like at different stages of the process.

Love Does'nt Make Sense

To fall in love with someone is easy, in a sense. To tell them how you feel is difficult. To get over those feelings is the hardest thing imaginable.

I'm currently in the second stage; I'm trying to tell someone how I feel about her. I've struggled with this for as long as I can remember. I can recall all of the girls I've had a crush on from late elementary school through college. I never told a girl that I liked her until just after high school. I didn't know how and I was too afraid of rejection. I mean, that's logical, right? No one wants to have their heart broken.

Well, I did get my heart broken and it was the worst thing I'd ever felt. It's happened twice since and rejections haven't gotten any easier to take. But it's a part of life.

I'm not one to post on social media or gab about my love life. That's just not me. But, I'm about to. Now it might not be what you're expecting, but it's something I can't keep inside me. It's the greatest love story of all time.

God saw what a mess the world had become since man had sinned, but He had a plan. He sent is only Son to save all of mankind. Jesus Christ humbled Himself to become a man and a servant to all. He lived a perfect life and did no wrong in thought, word, or deed. Yet, he was brutally killed on a cross. The saddest part of the story is that the nails were not what held Him on that cross. No. My sins held him to that cross. MY SINS. Your sins. The sins of every man, woman, boy, and girl to ever live on this earth. Jesus willingly gave up His perfect record and His life to take my punishment. He loved me so much that He lived the life I could never live and died the death that I so fully deserve, so that I could be with Him for all eternity. He still wants me even after everything I've done, even after I put Him on the cross. No one will ever love me, could ever love me as Jesus loves me. Almighty God, the creator of the entire universe, the Holy one, wrote the greatest love story, and He included me.

Oh, but that's not the end. Jesus didn't just die, no! God raised him from the dead three days later. God robbed the grave, forever taking away death's sting. Jesus is alive and some sweet day I'll get to see Him face to face. Oh, how I long to hug my savior and thank Him for loving me so! I will never get over the love that God has for me, nor do I want to.

With His love for you, how can you not shout it from the mountain tops!? From the valleys low!? From the midst of the fiercest storms!? And from your best days!? Jesus loves you!!! You'll never find a greater love!

I hope you never forget that.
Happy Easter Everyone!
Christ is risen!!!

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

To Paint a Picture

This week's post is nothing profound or even all that serious. I recently wrote a paper for my future of mind class in which we came up with a working definition of consciousness. To start my paper I came up with a story that helped me to gain a slight inclination of how my mind works. It also makes for a pretty great, fun blog post ;) So, here is the story I created: A Picture Painted with Words

Close your eyes. Picture yourself standing beside your car, palms sweating and heart racing in anticipation. Each breath feels like an eternity. Then you hear it, the booming voice over the intercom. “All drivers to your cars please, all drivers to your cars.” Immediately you turn around, grab the handle and sling open the door. You hop into the seat, grab the keys, and click the seatbelt into place. You are now waiting for those four key words. You hear the distinct buzz of the intercom. Here we go. “Drivers, start your engines!” Immediately you turn your wrist, rotating the keys forward and the engine roars to life. Your eyes go wide. You jam your right foot to the floor, while simultaneously lifting your left off the clutch. The tach needle flies as the engine revs higher and higher. The tires squeal, leaving a cloud of smoke and burnt rubber on the pavement as the wheels gain traction. The tach redlines, you let off the gas, mash the clutch in, throw the gear selector down into second, then it’s left foot up, and right foot down – hard on the gas. In a matter of seconds, you’re in third, now fourth, your eyes catching a glimpse of the speedometer quickly climbing higher and higher…60...70…80…90, all the way past 120. Everything around you is a blur, but at the same time, it’s all in perfect focus. Your senses are heightened, the adrenaline courses through your veins like lightning, and at that very moment everything else just fades away. In that moment, nothing else matters. It’s just you, the car, and the road, but they’re not three separate things anymore. Somehow, they have become one – you have become one, with the speed force.
While reading this, you no doubt formed images in your mind of what this scenario looked like, but did you ever think that the images you came up with might be different than what I envisioned when making the story? For instance: what kind of car did you picture? What color was the paint? The interior? Was it clean or dirty, old or new? I’ll tell you what I saw. I pictured a pristine, 1967 Mustang. It’s a bright red-orange with a soft, black leather interior. The steering wheel is a smooth, glossy, oak wheel with a chrome center that matches the chrome of the gauges and contrasts beautifully with the black of the dash. The texture of the wheel feels just like the glossy, white shifter ball. The petals at my feet have a little bit of wear to them, but have just the right amount of resistance when you press them. The seat is comfortable, but not worn to the point where I sink down in it. I can feel the seat belt across my lap as it hugs me and the rumble of the engine courses through me as I sit in the seat. It’s a feeling like no other, yet I’m not really in this car. I am not actually experiencing anything I just described. My mind somehow filled in all of the details and it’s like I can almost feel the textures, see the colors, hear the sounds of this mind-made car. I am aware of all of the surroundings, even though none of them are real. Thank you consciousness for filling in the details.

You may not be a car fanatic like I am, but feel free to comment what you saw in your mind :)
Have a great week everyone!