Out of Reach

So many times we want something we can't have. So many times we try everything we can, but no matter what, the situation never seems to pan out in our favor. That person you were trying to help, that thing you were trying to do for someone, is just out of your reach.

There have been times when I wanted to do something for someone so badly, to help them. In some situations, I don't even know the person. I don't know their name. I don't know where they live. I don't know their whole story. I only have a sliver of information about them, but I want to help them. Other times, I know the person, or people very well. However, I am often in a similar situation: I cannot physically get to them to provide what they need. But, I can ALWAYS do something: Pray. God knows exactly what each person is dealing with. He knows where they are at, and what they need. I always wish I could do more, but sometimes that is physically impossible.

God hears prayers and He answers them. Some, and often times, it is not the answer we wanted. Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes we may have to wait many years to receive an answer. We might not even know our prayers are answered within our lifetime. That doesn't make prayer easy sometimes, but we should never stop praying, never give up. God hears, God knows. Prayer works.

"Prayer is never the least we can do; It is always the most." -A.W. Tozer

Now, I'm not talking about praying for things we "want." I need a way to help explain this... I've got it. Okay, so anybody that knows me very well knows that I really want a Mustang. A 1967 fastback, with a Hi-Po 289, backed by a 4 speed manual transmission; painted bright red with a black interior; leather seats, GT wheels, the works. I can pray to God day and night for that Mustang, but chances are, I'm never going to get it. God is not going to answer that prayer. That Mustang is just a physical object, something that I want. God isn't going to give me some hunk of metal just because I really want it. That's not the way prayer works and that's the point I'm trying to make.

This post wasn't meant to try to explain prayer, how to pray, or what to pray for. It's more about what I have learned and things I am actually dealing with right now. Do I want a Mustang? Yes. Have I prayed for a Mustang? No. That was merely an example I came up with.

I don't pray for things, I pray for people. I pray for them and the things they are going through. I pray for those who are lost, for those who are hurting, for anyone who has a need. God loved me enough to make me. And He made everyone on this earth. He loves everyone - unconditionally. That is how I am to love everyone, that is what I try to do. When I know someone is lost or has fallen away from God, it shakes me to my core. More so now, than ever. I face trials and experience pain all the time, but I know that God has saved me and is working all things for my good, even though it does not always feel that way. When I think of those people who do not have that; the knowledge of God, or those who have slipped away from Him, it really makes me concerned. Most of the time I don't do stupid things or give up because my hope is in Christ. But people without that hope must feel terrible; like no one cares or loves them. That can only make their situation worse. When I hear of someone like this, I cannot be still. I have to do something. Sometimes the person or people are too far away for me to physically reach them. Other times they are not. But their need might be out of reach for me to meet. This happened towards the end of last semester, it happened last month, and it has happened more times in the past two weeks than I can count. It is painful. But it should be. So I pray. God can do anything and use anyone to reach the person in need. I'm not afraid to pray for a miracle. If God can change me, save me, He can save anyone. It doesn't matter how far they have strayed. God still loves them and He wants them to come to Him.

It's Christmas Eve. A truly special day. The day we remember the greatest gift ever given. God gave the world a savior. Jesus Christ willingly humbled himself to become a man; still fully God, but also fully human. His purpose: to seek and to save that which is lost. He came, lived a life we could never live, then sacrificed Himself according to the will of the Father, dying the death we so fully deserved, and then arose. Alive forevermore. He came and set the bar. He is our example and He did not just die for the sins of you and me. No. He died for everyone. The rebellious daughter, the drug addict, the abusers of power, those who play the system, the arrogant, the homeless, the forgotten, the murderer, the rapist, the criminal, He died for EVERYONE. It doesn't matter what you have done. God loves you and He wants you to come to Him. The gift of salvation is free, but it came at a cost. Jesus paid the cost, once and for all. So all anyone has to do is accept it.

That's the best news anyone could ever hope for!

So don't hold on to it. Don't keep it to yourself. Give it away. Tell everyone of the most wonderful gift, the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas everyone!

One of my favorite songs: Your Turn
Here's a link and the lyrics: https://youtube/yourturn

One hopeless world in need of change.
One Father's heart full of grace.
One perfect son would take the blame for the sins of the world.
One baby king humbly came.
One hopeless world would never be the same.
One sacrifice He would take their place.
The Father told the Son
Now it's Your turn to give Your life away.
Yes it's Your turn to give away grace.
It's Your turn to show the way.
Go and make a way.
Now it's your turn.

Jesus made a promise: He's coming back again.
We know the time is coming but we don't know when.
He ascended into heaven to His Father's right hand.
He left us all with this command:
Now it's your turn to give love away.
Yes it's your turn to give away grace.
And it's your turn to show the way.

Now it's your turn. So give love away.
And it's your turn. Give away grace.
Yes it's your turn. Now show the way.
Jesus is the way.
Now it's your turn.

A War Inside

From my final photography project: This piece is titled The War Inside.
The concept of this image is to showcase the two sides of our
personality that seem to battle against each other. There's the side
that tries to leave the brokenness behind and overcome it with a
smiling, happy disposition. Then there's the side that can't let go,
the side that says: we can't find worth in ourselves.

This week has been hard. So many things happened that I didn't expect. This week I felt so many different things, most of which were not what I wanted to feel. I experienced pain, hurt, regret, sadness, hopelessness, shame, fear, jealousy, longings, loneliness, nothingness even. There were moments of joy and peace, but they were few and far between. I honestly didn't think there'd be a blog post this week. I didn't see the point.

I lost my sense of pride or whatever it is that keeps me from telling people how things really are in my life. I'm a mess underneath and most of the time, I'm just too scared to show it. Everything's not fine and I'm not okay. More people learned that about me this week than I thought ever would.

I got some bad news about one of my family members, dealt with some relationship issues, was forced to take on some tough responsibilities with almost no warning. The list goes on and on. There have been days this week that I laid in my bed and cried for the longest time. Days I didn't feel like doing anything. I literally had zero motivation. In fact Thursday, I hardly had anything to eat I felt so bad. All this to say, I had a rough week, like most weeks, but so much worse.

Now there were good times. I did get to spend time with some of my friends, which is quite rare during Christmas break, or any break for that matter. I got to drive my truck more than usual. If you don't already know this, I love driving. It just feels good to be behind the wheel, zipping down the road. Driving is the one time I enjoy being alone. It's peaceful and I can sing along to the radio as loud as I want to and nobody can judge me. I can cry, I can pray... shoot I can dance. Well, not exactly dance, but groove to the music anyway. It's freeing. Other than driving and hanging out with some friends, not much else "good" happened.

With it being such a difficult week, I turned to God more than ever. I was constantly in the Word, praying and seeking His face. Honestly, I was lost and didn't know what to do. I'm still not sure why everything is happening to me the way it is, but His word gives me comfort and hope. Sometimes it doesn't feel like much, but it's something and that's better than nothing. After last week's post, I didn't think things could get any worse for me. Boy, was I wrong. If last week's post was hard for me to write, then this one was near impossible. Like I said earlier, I almost decided not to bother writing one for this week.

A few friends and three books have kept me going this week: the Bible, a book called: How to Stay Christian in College, and my daily devotional. Both the devotional and the book on college point me back to the Word. That's important. The book on college has shown me the basics of Christianity all over again. And I needed that. So many times, people grow up in church and never truly learn the most basic parts of the story, God's story and plan. Now, the Bible teaches that to enter the kingdom of heaven one must be like a child. This doesn't mean we must have a child like understanding. No, no, no. What Jesus was trying to say was that we need to have child like faith. Children believe anything and trust anyone. They don't need to think about it. That's the kind of faith we need to have; to trust what God says no matter what. To trust and obey. But what is it that we need to have this kind of faith in, exactly? "That Jesus is the life, the truth, the way. That no one comes to the Father except through Him." John 14:6 Jesus is the only way to heaven. And thank goodness it's so simple and that it's free!

That was a reassuring thing to hear this week. There's one more thing I read about, this time in my devotional, that encouraged me this week. A race, but no ordinary race. The race Paul talks about in 2 Timothy 4:7. "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

I will close with this.
There is much satisfaction in finishing something you have begun. The success of a race is determined not only by how well you begin but also how well you end. Many athletes can begin a race impressively, but if they stumble or are injured or lack the stamina to finish, their good start is useless. Paul rejoiced that he had not only begun the race; but he had also finished it. His prize was a robust faith in God and a life filled with God's powerful presence.

The Christian life is not easy. Boy, is that ever a true statement! Some mistakenly assume that once they become children of God, their struggles are over. Many Christians begin their walk with God enthusiastically, but as the pressures mount, they lose heart and abandon their pilgrimage. I've lost heart many times, but I haven't abandoned God. He's the only thing keeping me going, the only reason I haven't quit or given up.

Paul described his Christian life as a battle. There were times when he struggled, and only through perseverance could he continue. It may surprise us to know that the great apostle had to struggle at times to be faithful to God. Paul faced persecution, misunderstanding, betrayal, and death threats. His Christian life was anything but easy, yet he persevered.

Your faith in God is not proven by beginning the race but by enduring to the finish. Publicly announcing your commitment to Christ in your church does not compare with a lifetime of devotion to His cause. Live your life in such a way that you can one day conclude, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith!"

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Philippians 1:6

"If you think you've blown God's plan for your life rest in this: you, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful."
Lisa Bever

Longing to be Loved

Why can't you be my person,
instead of just my friend?
You know I had this crush on you,
and I simply can't pretend,
that you rejecting me
brought those feelings to an end.
It's stupid and it's silly,
how I cannot recognize,
that I'll never be with you
when I look into your eyes.
My heart aches and breaks
for I only want someone
who loves me through and through.
Someone who loves me
the way that I love you.

That was my attempt at expressing something through a poem. I'm sure I butchered every law of poetry known to man. Writing is just not my thing. And apparently, neither is love. Anyway, this post is pretty personal. If you don't want to hear it, then you can go ahead and stop reading now. (Not that many people read my blog anyway)

Still with me? Ok.
I'm not going to lie. Christmas break is going to be hard. I will, no doubt, spend 99% of it in my room. There used to be a time when I didn't mind being alone in my room. I could actually get stuff done. But after getting out and doing life with friends, being alone is... painful.

Growing up, I never had friends over, never went anywhere, or hung out with anyone outside of school. My parents said I couldn't date anyone until I was a junior in high school. That didn't bother me a bit. I simply wasn't interested at the time. But now, I'm a sophomore in college and I have yet to go on a first date. It's not for lack of trying. It's just every time I ask, I get turned down. Now I'll admit, I'm not very good at asking. I'm not good at talking to people in general. But it is kinda discouraging when you expect to hear, "no" as the answer before you bother to ask the question.

Do you want to know the hardest part? Well, I'll tell you anyway. It's knowing the feelings you have for the person won't just go away, the second they answer "no". That sucks. (Sorry) But it does. From then on, every time you see that person, you're reminded of those feelings and your heart breaks a little more. I've heard that with time, those feelings fade and things get easier. Whether or not that's true, I have yet to find out.

I've heard people say, "Don't worry, God has someone for you." I politely smile and nod, but wish I had the courage to speak up and tell them, that's not how it works! No where in scripture does it say that God has someone picked out for you; a "soul mate" so to speak. That's not biblical. It might be a concept of "Christian culture", but it's not biblical. Guess I went on a bit of a rant there, sorry.

Seeing the person who turned you down, with someone else isn't easy. But I am happy for those people who have found someone to love and that loves them back. I wish that I could find someone. Maybe someday I will. But until then, I'll be where I always am. At home, in my room, alone, just trying to stay busy.

If you're reading this and you happen to be one of the two people I actually asked out, please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not mad or upset at you at all. There are no hard feelings. I love you and I'm truly grateful that you're still a part of my life.

I also know that some of the guys I hang out with are going to read this. Don't flip out or make a big deal about it. And don't be like: "aww, poor RJ," either. I'm fine, really. (Besides, you guys are pretty much the reason the percentage of time spent in my room over break isn't going to be 100%)

I had to find something to write about this week. This is just what happened to be on my mind. That's kinda the purpose of my blog, to write about the things I'm going through. Now, it's also about spreading love and encouragement as well as the gospel. Don't worry, I didn't forget about that part of the post :)

If you didn't read the entire post, you would probably conclude that I am a needy person, that I think people or a relationship will make me complete. Only part of that statement is true. I am needy. But I know, that no person could ever make me complete. Only God can. HE is what I need.

God never meant for us to be self sufficient. Instead, He designed us to need Him, not only for daily bread but also fulfillment of deep yearnings. He carefully crafts our longings and feelings of incompleteness to point us to Him. Therefore, don't try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power. Go to God with all of your neediness, with your defenses down, humbly seeking Him. As you spend time in God's presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find completion in Him.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

The Best Day Ever

What constitutes a day so great that you consider it to be the best day ever? I don't think it can be narrowed down to a single something. I think it's a combination of the things you did, the people you spent it with, and the way you felt throughout the day. I would have to say that yesterday, December 2, 2016 was my best day ever.

Now, I can't just pick a day and say it was the greatest without giving a reason. But trust me, there are plenty of reasons. The day was filled with laughter, good friends, and even those butterflies that fill your stomach before a presentation. I got to see so many of my friends yesterday and that made my heart happy. It was the day that a group of us who decided to do Secret Santa got together and exchanged gifts. I experienced a great deal of trouble making the gift for my person, but it turned out better than I could have hoped. The surprised look and joy on her face made all of the hard work well worth it. I love making things for people, after all, I am an artist and that's kind of what artists do. The gift I received was wonderful. My person got me a Captain America ornament. It was the cutest and coolest thing ever! A couple of other friends in the group joined together and got everyone a little something. I got a stocking with hot chocolate and a Christmas tie that plays jingle bells!

As many of you know, my family is struggling financially. The past several months have been really hard. My parents used to joke around every year and say: "well, there won't be much underneath the Christmas tree this year." This year, there won't be anything under the tree. We simply can't afford presents. And there's really no room to put up a tree because of all the stuff we've been moving over from my grandma's old house. It's fine. I don't need a tree or presents to celebrate Christmas. That's not what Christmas is all about. It's about the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior. And it's about the hope we have as Christians because of Him.

To be invited to participate in Secret Santa with a group of friends was a blessing. No one has ever thought to invite me to be a part of something like that. It filled my heart with joy. Those gifts I received may very well be the only ones I get this Christmas. So thank you guys!

Honestly, I enjoy being on the giving end more than I do being on the receiving end. It just makes me so happy to see someone else happy. Yesterday was also the day I "presented" my photography project to my friends. Somehow, they all graciously agreed to participate and have their picture taken. Before I ever asked any of them for their help, I already knew exactly what I wanted to do for the so called "project." I wanted to say thank you to my friends and get them all something for Christmas. But I didn't want them to know what I was up to. I wanted it to be a surprise. The project was also going to be one of my enrichments for the honors program. That part didn't pan out, but honestly, I couldn't have cared less about getting credit for it. All I really wanted was to show my friends how much I love them, how much they mean to me. I was grateful to get the opportunity to do that.

All of the ones involved in the project were able to meet me in the art building, (except for two, who couldn't make it). It was awesome seeing everyone there. I gave a little speech and explained the project, as well as the true purpose for it. I was slightly awkward, but that's ok because I'm always a little awkward. But it didn't really matter because the room was filled with people who love and accept me, awkwardness and all. Now,

I'm a hugger. So when everyone came up to give me a hug, I was overjoyed. I was crying as well as jumping up and down on the inside. Of course, I didn't let that show. I just played it cool, smiled, and hugged them back. It was great. Again, seeing the look on each of their faces and telling them how much they mean to me made all the hard work worth it.

I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with some of my friends. We played cards, had supper, (by the way, thank you for paying for my meal. You know who you are), and watched a movie. I went to go see one of my friend's senior art show. She did an amazing job, by the way. Finally, I went to the late night breakfast. That in itself is awesome. I mean come on, who doesn't like breakfast for supper? Pancakes, maple syrup, blueberries, chocolate milk, orange juice... Oh I better shut up now. I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it. But, I also got to see many of my friends one more time that day at the breakfast. It was the perfect ending to such an awesome day.

My life wouldn't be worth mentioning if it weren't for Jesus Christ and what He did for me. Also, my life wouldn't be worth mentioning if I hadn't got to share it with some folks along the way. Thank you all for sharing your lives with me and for being my friends. I love you all so much!

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God."
1 John 4:7

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:11-13

When Life Gets Tough

There's a saying: When life gets tough, the tough get going. That doesn't quite fit for me. When life gets tough, the weak give up. Well, that may be true in some cases, but again, that's not what I'm looking to say. When life gets tough, don't go it alone. That's better. I was reminded this week that we all need help sometimes. A fool will do anything to try and make it on their own. But a wise man knows when to ask for help.

I don't like to ask anybody for help. I like to think I can find a way to make it on my own, that there's always a way. But the truth is, if I hadn't asked for help, I might not be here today. I very well may have given up. Thankfully, I don't have to try and make it on my own. I've got a loving family, caring friends, and a God who will never let me go.

This week wasn't an easy one. It was thanksgiving break. However, I have yet to find the break. With only a week of classes left and finals right around the corner, I found myself overwhelmed with everything I still had to do. It didn't help that every time I turned around I ran into a problem of one kind or another. My truck needed lower ball joints. My dad happened to be off work for the week. So we scraped up the money for parts and took the front end of the truck apart. The parts arrived, but didn't have the dust boots that were supposed to be pre installed to the joints. (So we thought) That was Wednesday. Come to find out, the ball joints have some kind of internal seal, which is different from the old ones. Hopefully, we'll have them installed later today.

I had two projects to finish that aren't school related. I was stressing out. The one was giving me a fit. It fought me the whole way. I screwed up twice and basically had to start over both times. I was ready to quit. I was actually in tears over it. It's for my friend and I felt I had to get it right. I was really feeling the pressure because I was running out of time. I messaged one of my good friends and explained my situation and the way I was feeling. She gave me some good advice. She told me to make a list of all of the things I needed to do and alternate between more demanding tasks and less demanding tasks. It sounded a bit silly at the time, but it actually helped out a lot. Now, I hate bothering anyone with my problems, but I'm comfortable talking to her because no matter what she says, she always points me back to God. After taking her advice and giving my worries to God, my day really turned around. That wasn't the last I would see of my problems though. I was a little disappointed that I wasn't going to spend thanksgiving in North Carolina with my grandparents, like my family does every year. We just couldn't afford to make the trip. But, I received a text early thanksgiving morning from another good friend of mine. His message really lifted my spirits and reminded me of all the people in my life that I have to be thankful for. So I messaged everyone I could think of, wishing them a happy thanksgiving and expressing why I'm thankful for each of them. I took most of the day to really pour into the family I did get to spend thanksgiving with and show how much I love them. Friday, I managed to finish my psychology homework, complete and turn in my art history paper, and wrap up one of my non-school-related projects. I finally finished the other project, the one that was giving me so much trouble, this morning. I still have a quiz and a test to study for, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

There were many times this semester that I felt overwhelmed or I didn't know what to do. I've had my heart broken twice, truck problems, a ton of homework and projects, no money to do anything, and I've done some things I regret. But through it all, God has been with me and given me wonderful friends to help me through. When I feel that I'm about to break, I look to God and His Word and find a friend to turn to. Has it worked? EVERY TIME.

I don't consider myself to be a strong person. But, God is bigger than anything I will ever face and I will never have to do life on my own. Whoever said life is just a bowl of cherries, got it dead wrong. A more accurate way to put it would be: Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.

So when life gets tough, look to God, grab a friend, and don't give up!

"I cried unto Him with my mouth, and he was extolled with my tongue. If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me: But verily God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor His mercy from me."
Psalm 66:17-20

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thine ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5-6

A Time to be Thankful

 As we near Thanksgiving, I began to think more about what I am thankful for. I am blessed in so many ways. It was hard to pick just one thing to write about. But it wasn't hard to write about the one thing I picked: my friends.

My friends are absolutely amazing. I got to spend time with a lot of different friends this week. In doing so, I learned a lot about them and about myself as well. Monday, I got to hang out with some of the most creative people I know. We got a glimpse of what each of us was working on. We laughed, we laughed so hard we cried. It was a blast. Tuesday was one of my good friends' birthday. A group of us went out to eat and later had cake and watched a movie. That was great. Wednesday wasn't as eventful, but I did get to talk with a few of my friends while eating supper in the caf. Thursday, I probably spent more time hanging out with friends than I did in all of my classes for the day. I had lunch and got to talk with a whole bunch of different people. Then after supper, I went to BSU and worshipped with two really good friends of mine. Having the privilege to worship God almighty is incredible. Getting to worship with close friends and other believers is even better. Later that night, I got to hear another one of my friends play and sing a song on stage. She did a great job. That's something I could never do. On Friday, I started my final photography project. Some of my friends graciously volunteered to model for me. It was great.

I wouldn't have as many friends as I do if it wasn't for one person. She asked to sit with me at lunch one day in the caf my freshman year. I was grateful because otherwise it would have been just another day that I ate by myself. Another time, she invited me to sit with her and some of her friends at supper. I'm now friends with everyone who was sitting at that table that night. At breakfast one morning, one of those friends invited me to sit with her and her roommate. Because of that, I am now friends with a whole bunch of her roommate's friends. When I was a senior in high school, I visited North Greenville University on what they call sneak preview day. You got to spend the night in a dorm and go to classes with your ambassador the next day. My ambassador was the best. He introduced me to so many people that are now good friends of mine, including my mentor. My mentor is awesome. He's helped me countless times, shown me the ropes, and invited me to be a part of his Bible study group. Through him, I've made so many friends, including my current small group leader. I hang out with those guys all the time.

These aren't all of my friends, not by a long shot. But there's no way I could name them all. I would inevitably end up forgetting someone. But the people that I did describe are some of my closest friends. They've been there for me in the good times and the hard times. I truly enjoy every moment I spend with them. Even if we aren't really doing much, or even if we're working on homework, just the presence of friends makes everything better. They are amazing people and I hope to stay good friends with them long after we're done with college.

I found this quote the other day. It's a quote from Amy Pochler. "As you navigate through the rest of your life, be open to collaboration. Other people and other people's ideas are often better than your own. Find a group of people that challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them and it will change your life."

My friends have certainly changed my life and have been an inspiration to me. I have different groups of friends and they all like different things. There's a group of guys I played basketball with since high school. There's a group of people who are creative and literate. There's a group that I attend small group with. There's a group that we just do everything together. And there are my fellow art majors. They're all different but they have one thing in common: they are all my friends. Nothing will change that. Not skin color, not their major, not their gender, and most certainly not their past. I love them for who they are. I love them for them.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing." Baltasar Gracian

"I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."
Charles R. Swindoll

Priorities

This week has been crazy. I don't think I've been so busy in all my life! I've had a test, I've had a quiz, I've been working on two photography projects at once, I've had basketball practice, I've had meetings, homework, bible study, and between psychology and art history I've done more than 200 pages of reading. I'm sure I've forgotten to mention something; and somehow, I still managed to spend a little bit of time with friends.

It seems like for everything I had to do, there was something else I had to put aside. I learned a lot about myself this week. I found where my priorities lie. For some things, my priorities were solid and appropriate. Yet, at times I found myself questioning my choices. Did I really just put this above that? I've always been an A-B student. I expect that of myself. I try to make all A's, but if I make a B or even a C, it's not the end of the world. As long as I know that I tried my best, I am satisfied with whatever grade I get. But some things in life are more important than grades. My friends, for instance. If any of them has a need, or if I can help them in any way, I am going to drop whatever I'm doing and help them. Just spending time with them is important to me. I never want to be so busy that I "don't have time" for them.

I'm going to be real. I don't spend the time I should with God. Sometimes, I might only give Him five minutes of my entire day. That's not fair. He deserves so much more than that. God should be priority number one, one-hundred percent of the time. I've been trying to do better. This semester I have really pushed myself to be more aware of how I spend my time. Instead of getting in the shower first thing in the morning and letting my mind wander, I pray. I thank God for all of the things he has provided me with: food, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, my family, my friends, even my truck and the fact that I have gas in the tank. I ask God to search my heart and reveal any sin in my life. I ask for forgiveness for all of my sins and shortcomings. Then I pray for for my family and the things that they go through. I pray for my friends and the things that they are dealing with. I also pray for my professors. I then ask God to help me to do His will, to love and to serve people and to honor Him in all that I do. These are just some of the things I pray about in the morning. Starting off my day seeking God in prayer helps me to let go of the things I might be worried about and set my mind on the one who holds it all. I end my day in a similar fashion. No matter how late, I try to spend time in God's Word and in prayer. I take the time to tell you this because the things that I pray about reveal, (at least to me), where my priorities are.

Some people feel that there is not enough time in the day to get everything done. (As a college student, I feel that way a lot) Some people feel that time drags on and they can't wait to be done, or make it to the weekend. We all have the same 24-hour day. It's what you do with those 24 hours that matters. Your priorities will determine what gets done and what doesn't.

Where are your priorities? Are you putting the needs of others before your own? Are you caught up in the things of this world? I'm not judging anyone for the choices they make. I'm just trying to get you thinking. Besides, I mess up all the time and lose sight of what is truly important.

Think about it this way: Is God your number one priority?
He made you His.

He came down from heaven, was made flesh and blood. He didn't live extravagantly. In fact, he was treated quite poorly, terribly even. But he still loved EVERYONE. He willingly endured all of it and went to the cross so that you could be set free from sin, so that you could truly live.

What is He to you? That is a question only you can answer. For me, He is everything.

"If you have not chosen the Kingdom of God first, it will in the end make no difference what you have chosen instead.”  -William Law

"Love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy might." -Deuteronomy 6:5

Perfectly Imperfect #NoCommonRose

Trying to come up with a blog post this week has been tricky. Usually, I'm flooded with ideas. Earlier this week, a friend asked me if I would be willing to write a post, continuing a series she started. I agreed. It sounded like an awesome idea. But, as soon as I tried to start writing, I couldn't find an idea that was "good enough". She's a great writer and so are a lot of her friends. They create such vivid images and get their point across merely with the words they choose. So when she asked ME, I felt honored, but also inadequate. I'm no writer. I'm not an English major or an education major. I'm just a guy writing about what he's going through and trying to share the love of God with others. Ironically, my inspiration came from realizing this. 

I often feel inadequate. I don't always feel that special. Sure, there are some things I'm good at. I can draw, I can play basketball, I know a lot about cars. But then I realized, even the things I'm good at, I'm not the best at. I follow people on Instagram who's drawings are much better than mine. I'm five foot three. I'll never be a pro basketball player. Everything I've learned about cars is because of my dad. And I don't know half of what he knows. And to think, those are the things I'm good at! 

The list of things I'm really bad at goes on for miles. I'll spare you the time and just name the most prevalent thing I'm bad at, the one that stands out to me the most: communication. Oh. My. Goodness. I'm terrible at talking to people! I never know what to say and I can't start a conversation to save my life. I'm even bad at greetings. Someone says: Hey! My response: Good! My feelings immediately afterwards: *cue face palm* Sadly, this has happened more than once. Talking on the telephone, forget about it! I avoid that at all costs. I tend to be most comfortable texting or messaging people, mostly because I can think about what I am going to say before sending the message. But, I've messed that up too. I've said things I later regret and not to mention, it's a million times harder to determine the other person's attitude with just words on a screen. Are they serious, are they joking, are they being sarcastic? I don't know! Ahh! 

The fact that I still have friends amazes me. People still ask me to do things for them, when there are plenty more qualified people that they could ask. I find it almost incomprehensible sometimes. But then I get to thinking, I've heard some of my friends talk about how they feel inadequate, jealous, uncool, mundane, like they're just another face in the crowd, or, to follow the theme of this series more accurately, just another common rose. They feel some of the same things I feel. That really gets me. But, I don't see those things in them. To me, my friends aren't just other faces in a crowd, they're the faces I can pick out of a crowd! I know them. I care about them. I LOVE them! I don't like them because they can do certain things, or because they dress a certain way. I like them because of who they are. If I've ever told you I love you, know this: I love you for you. Nothing you do will ever change that. 

Guess what. That's how God loves us. He knows everything we've ever done and He still loves us. Romans 5:8 says: "But God commendeth His love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God still created us, knowing that we would choose to disobey Him. He then sacrificed His only son, Jesus Christ, to redeem us, so that we wouldn't have to spend all of eternity separated from Him. Isn't that amazing!? The God of the entire universe loves YOU. He died for YOU. He wants a relationship with YOU. I'm in awe that God would choose to love someone like me. To be honest, I am the worst sinner I know. I've done terrible things. I fall short of God's glory every single day. I'm the dictionary definition of a failure, of imperfection. Yet, God sees perfection in me because of the blood of Jesus Christ. God reminded me of this as I was writing these very words and I was filled with an indescribable joy that could only come from the Holy Spirit. 

Know this dear reader: You are perfect the way you are. You are beautiful. And there's no such thing as a common rose. God made you special and He loves you very much. 

Be The Difference

Can you make a difference in someone's life?

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
-Maya Angelou

I find this statement to be quite true, at least for me. Now, I think about this in two different ways. I think about it from my perspective, how people have made me feel and from the perspective of others, how I make them feel.

If I'm being honest, this semester of college has been a roller coaster ride. I've faced a LOT of hardships, but I've also had a lot of good times as well. It's funny. In those difficult times, I often find myself reaching out to others, just asking them how they're doing, or seeing if there is any way I can pray for them. It allows me to momentarily forget what I'm going through and focus on what's going on in the lives of others around me. Just because I'm feeling down, doesn't mean I should stop loving and serving others. So regardless of how I feel, I try to put on a smile and place the needs of others above my own.

Throughout my life I've only had one person call me, one time, to check up on me and see how I was doing. I wasn't doing the greatest, but just talking to him and knowing that he cared, made me feel better. Here's the best part: he prayed for me over the phone! I don't remember what all we talked about, or what exactly was going on, but I still remember the way it made me feel. I was overjoyed to know that someone cared about me. I cried and cried afterwards. Not tears of sorrow, tears of joy and thankfulness.

I like to text people every now and then to see how they're doing. (I did this before that phone call, but it means even more now that I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end) I want people to know that I genuinely care about them and the things that they're going through. I'm not good with words, so my messages can be kind of lengthy sometimes. I'm also not good at interacting with people. I tend to be awkward and can never quite get out what I want to say. But the point is, no matter how it comes out, I hope they feel loved.

It only takes a few minutes to show somebody you care. All around you there are people who are hurting, people who need your love, people who need your encouragement. Let God use your gifts and talents to bless them.

Love as Christ loves you. Don't ever think you can't make a difference. YOU CAN!

God has been working on me a lot lately. He's shown me things in my life that I need to change. But most importantly, through prayer and studying His Word, He has shown me what love really means. Here is a piece of scripture that expresses the importance of loving and caring for one another:

"So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity." Colossians 3:12-15

Every Book Has a Story

"It's hard to read a book, if you never actually bother to open it." -RJ Horton

It's funny. Everyone around me looks forward to the weekend, to get away from school, from work, from responsibilities. That used to be me. I would always count down the days until the next break from classes. But this year, something's different. Weekends are the hardest part of my week and the saddest. I guess it's because I'm away from everyone I know. I love spending time with people, loving on them, talking with them, just doing nothing, WITH THEM. It's been hard being a commuter this year. I don't see everyone like I used to. It has caused me to look back at many of the people that have come into my life. I've made a lot of friends over the years. And even though I've had some close friends, no one has ever made an effort to really get to know me. I've never had a "best friend." I don't know what that's like. Don't get me wrong, I have some really great friends and I love them very much. They're there for me and they care about me too. But no one has ever been brave enough to tell me, I know you're not okay, when I tell them I am.

I don't get out much. I don't have money to go out to eat with people, or to go places very often. When I am around other people, including my friends, I feel like a third wheel, an extra, someone who's just kind of there. I'm sure part of this is my fault. Anyway, I don't want this post to be a downer, or make anyone feel bad. I'm not looking for pity either. I simply thought that if I feel this way, there are probably others who feel some of the same things. I just want to get you thinking about your interactions with people. Even the smallest things can make the biggest difference. A smile. A hug. A short conversation. The most important thing to remember, is to be intentional.

That book that doesn't get opened very much, still has a story. But, you'll never know what it is unless you open it.

"A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for times of adversity." -Proverbs 17:17

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God." -1 John 4:7

Waiting

Two minutes waiting behind another customer at the coffee shop? Too long.
Sixty seconds to heat up food in a microwave? Too long.
Fifteen seconds waiting for the traffic light to change? Way too long!
The bottom line is, no one likes to wait, for anything.

My Water Pump (It should all be one piece)

Recently, God has been teaching me patience. Everything in my life was going smoothly. So smoothly in fact, that I was bored. I wished that something would change, that I could get excited about life again. You know that saying; Be careful what you wish for? Yeah, I learned what that means the hard way. For about two weeks now, I have been faced with many challenges, trials of many kinds, if you will. Though God, in the book of James, says: "Count it joy when you face trials of many kinds, knowing that the trying of your faith produces patience". James 1:2-3. Be happy when when your water pump breaks and your truck quits on the way to school? Be happy when your family struggles to pay their bills? Be happy when the first girl you ever had the guts to ask out says no? Be happy when your dream is taken right out of your own two hands?

Yes.

Being happy when things go right is easy. Being happy when things go badly, not so much. However, happiness is a choice. It's my choice. It's your choice.We can choose to let the trials we face get us down in the dumps, to break us, or we can remember that we aren't really in control. God is. God allowed trials into our life for a reason and He didn't call us to understand why. He called us to be still and know that He is God, to trust Him with all of our heart and lean not on our own understanding.

Life is tough.Waiting isn't easy. Thankfully, God didn't leave us on our own to deal with the weight of it all. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us, friends to help us, and a hope that never fades.

"I used to ask God to help me.Then I asked if I might help Him. I ended up by asking Him to do His work through me." -Hudson Taylor