Out of Reach

So many times we want something we can't have. So many times we try everything we can, but no matter what, the situation never seems to pan out in our favor. That person you were trying to help, that thing you were trying to do for someone, is just out of your reach.

There have been times when I wanted to do something for someone so badly, to help them. In some situations, I don't even know the person. I don't know their name. I don't know where they live. I don't know their whole story. I only have a sliver of information about them, but I want to help them. Other times, I know the person, or people very well. However, I am often in a similar situation: I cannot physically get to them to provide what they need. But, I can ALWAYS do something: Pray. God knows exactly what each person is dealing with. He knows where they are at, and what they need. I always wish I could do more, but sometimes that is physically impossible.

God hears prayers and He answers them. Some, and often times, it is not the answer we wanted. Sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes we may have to wait many years to receive an answer. We might not even know our prayers are answered within our lifetime. That doesn't make prayer easy sometimes, but we should never stop praying, never give up. God hears, God knows. Prayer works.

"Prayer is never the least we can do; It is always the most." -A.W. Tozer

Now, I'm not talking about praying for things we "want." I need a way to help explain this... I've got it. Okay, so anybody that knows me very well knows that I really want a Mustang. A 1967 fastback, with a Hi-Po 289, backed by a 4 speed manual transmission; painted bright red with a black interior; leather seats, GT wheels, the works. I can pray to God day and night for that Mustang, but chances are, I'm never going to get it. God is not going to answer that prayer. That Mustang is just a physical object, something that I want. God isn't going to give me some hunk of metal just because I really want it. That's not the way prayer works and that's the point I'm trying to make.

This post wasn't meant to try to explain prayer, how to pray, or what to pray for. It's more about what I have learned and things I am actually dealing with right now. Do I want a Mustang? Yes. Have I prayed for a Mustang? No. That was merely an example I came up with.

I don't pray for things, I pray for people. I pray for them and the things they are going through. I pray for those who are lost, for those who are hurting, for anyone who has a need. God loved me enough to make me. And He made everyone on this earth. He loves everyone - unconditionally. That is how I am to love everyone, that is what I try to do. When I know someone is lost or has fallen away from God, it shakes me to my core. More so now, than ever. I face trials and experience pain all the time, but I know that God has saved me and is working all things for my good, even though it does not always feel that way. When I think of those people who do not have that; the knowledge of God, or those who have slipped away from Him, it really makes me concerned. Most of the time I don't do stupid things or give up because my hope is in Christ. But people without that hope must feel terrible; like no one cares or loves them. That can only make their situation worse. When I hear of someone like this, I cannot be still. I have to do something. Sometimes the person or people are too far away for me to physically reach them. Other times they are not. But their need might be out of reach for me to meet. This happened towards the end of last semester, it happened last month, and it has happened more times in the past two weeks than I can count. It is painful. But it should be. So I pray. God can do anything and use anyone to reach the person in need. I'm not afraid to pray for a miracle. If God can change me, save me, He can save anyone. It doesn't matter how far they have strayed. God still loves them and He wants them to come to Him.

It's Christmas Eve. A truly special day. The day we remember the greatest gift ever given. God gave the world a savior. Jesus Christ willingly humbled himself to become a man; still fully God, but also fully human. His purpose: to seek and to save that which is lost. He came, lived a life we could never live, then sacrificed Himself according to the will of the Father, dying the death we so fully deserved, and then arose. Alive forevermore. He came and set the bar. He is our example and He did not just die for the sins of you and me. No. He died for everyone. The rebellious daughter, the drug addict, the abusers of power, those who play the system, the arrogant, the homeless, the forgotten, the murderer, the rapist, the criminal, He died for EVERYONE. It doesn't matter what you have done. God loves you and He wants you to come to Him. The gift of salvation is free, but it came at a cost. Jesus paid the cost, once and for all. So all anyone has to do is accept it.

That's the best news anyone could ever hope for!

So don't hold on to it. Don't keep it to yourself. Give it away. Tell everyone of the most wonderful gift, the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas everyone!

One of my favorite songs: Your Turn
Here's a link and the lyrics: https://youtube/yourturn

One hopeless world in need of change.
One Father's heart full of grace.
One perfect son would take the blame for the sins of the world.
One baby king humbly came.
One hopeless world would never be the same.
One sacrifice He would take their place.
The Father told the Son
Now it's Your turn to give Your life away.
Yes it's Your turn to give away grace.
It's Your turn to show the way.
Go and make a way.
Now it's your turn.

Jesus made a promise: He's coming back again.
We know the time is coming but we don't know when.
He ascended into heaven to His Father's right hand.
He left us all with this command:
Now it's your turn to give love away.
Yes it's your turn to give away grace.
And it's your turn to show the way.

Now it's your turn. So give love away.
And it's your turn. Give away grace.
Yes it's your turn. Now show the way.
Jesus is the way.
Now it's your turn.

A War Inside

From my final photography project: This piece is titled The War Inside.
The concept of this image is to showcase the two sides of our
personality that seem to battle against each other. There's the side
that tries to leave the brokenness behind and overcome it with a
smiling, happy disposition. Then there's the side that can't let go,
the side that says: we can't find worth in ourselves.

This week has been hard. So many things happened that I didn't expect. This week I felt so many different things, most of which were not what I wanted to feel. I experienced pain, hurt, regret, sadness, hopelessness, shame, fear, jealousy, longings, loneliness, nothingness even. There were moments of joy and peace, but they were few and far between. I honestly didn't think there'd be a blog post this week. I didn't see the point.

I lost my sense of pride or whatever it is that keeps me from telling people how things really are in my life. I'm a mess underneath and most of the time, I'm just too scared to show it. Everything's not fine and I'm not okay. More people learned that about me this week than I thought ever would.

I got some bad news about one of my family members, dealt with some relationship issues, was forced to take on some tough responsibilities with almost no warning. The list goes on and on. There have been days this week that I laid in my bed and cried for the longest time. Days I didn't feel like doing anything. I literally had zero motivation. In fact Thursday, I hardly had anything to eat I felt so bad. All this to say, I had a rough week, like most weeks, but so much worse.

Now there were good times. I did get to spend time with some of my friends, which is quite rare during Christmas break, or any break for that matter. I got to drive my truck more than usual. If you don't already know this, I love driving. It just feels good to be behind the wheel, zipping down the road. Driving is the one time I enjoy being alone. It's peaceful and I can sing along to the radio as loud as I want to and nobody can judge me. I can cry, I can pray... shoot I can dance. Well, not exactly dance, but groove to the music anyway. It's freeing. Other than driving and hanging out with some friends, not much else "good" happened.

With it being such a difficult week, I turned to God more than ever. I was constantly in the Word, praying and seeking His face. Honestly, I was lost and didn't know what to do. I'm still not sure why everything is happening to me the way it is, but His word gives me comfort and hope. Sometimes it doesn't feel like much, but it's something and that's better than nothing. After last week's post, I didn't think things could get any worse for me. Boy, was I wrong. If last week's post was hard for me to write, then this one was near impossible. Like I said earlier, I almost decided not to bother writing one for this week.

A few friends and three books have kept me going this week: the Bible, a book called: How to Stay Christian in College, and my daily devotional. Both the devotional and the book on college point me back to the Word. That's important. The book on college has shown me the basics of Christianity all over again. And I needed that. So many times, people grow up in church and never truly learn the most basic parts of the story, God's story and plan. Now, the Bible teaches that to enter the kingdom of heaven one must be like a child. This doesn't mean we must have a child like understanding. No, no, no. What Jesus was trying to say was that we need to have child like faith. Children believe anything and trust anyone. They don't need to think about it. That's the kind of faith we need to have; to trust what God says no matter what. To trust and obey. But what is it that we need to have this kind of faith in, exactly? "That Jesus is the life, the truth, the way. That no one comes to the Father except through Him." John 14:6 Jesus is the only way to heaven. And thank goodness it's so simple and that it's free!

That was a reassuring thing to hear this week. There's one more thing I read about, this time in my devotional, that encouraged me this week. A race, but no ordinary race. The race Paul talks about in 2 Timothy 4:7. "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

I will close with this.
There is much satisfaction in finishing something you have begun. The success of a race is determined not only by how well you begin but also how well you end. Many athletes can begin a race impressively, but if they stumble or are injured or lack the stamina to finish, their good start is useless. Paul rejoiced that he had not only begun the race; but he had also finished it. His prize was a robust faith in God and a life filled with God's powerful presence.

The Christian life is not easy. Boy, is that ever a true statement! Some mistakenly assume that once they become children of God, their struggles are over. Many Christians begin their walk with God enthusiastically, but as the pressures mount, they lose heart and abandon their pilgrimage. I've lost heart many times, but I haven't abandoned God. He's the only thing keeping me going, the only reason I haven't quit or given up.

Paul described his Christian life as a battle. There were times when he struggled, and only through perseverance could he continue. It may surprise us to know that the great apostle had to struggle at times to be faithful to God. Paul faced persecution, misunderstanding, betrayal, and death threats. His Christian life was anything but easy, yet he persevered.

Your faith in God is not proven by beginning the race but by enduring to the finish. Publicly announcing your commitment to Christ in your church does not compare with a lifetime of devotion to His cause. Live your life in such a way that you can one day conclude, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith!"

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Philippians 1:6

"If you think you've blown God's plan for your life rest in this: you, my beautiful friend, are not that powerful."
Lisa Bever

Longing to be Loved

Why can't you be my person,
instead of just my friend?
You know I had this crush on you,
and I simply can't pretend,
that you rejecting me
brought those feelings to an end.
It's stupid and it's silly,
how I cannot recognize,
that I'll never be with you
when I look into your eyes.
My heart aches and breaks
for I only want someone
who loves me through and through.
Someone who loves me
the way that I love you.

That was my attempt at expressing something through a poem. I'm sure I butchered every law of poetry known to man. Writing is just not my thing. And apparently, neither is love. Anyway, this post is pretty personal. If you don't want to hear it, then you can go ahead and stop reading now. (Not that many people read my blog anyway)

Still with me? Ok.
I'm not going to lie. Christmas break is going to be hard. I will, no doubt, spend 99% of it in my room. There used to be a time when I didn't mind being alone in my room. I could actually get stuff done. But after getting out and doing life with friends, being alone is... painful.

Growing up, I never had friends over, never went anywhere, or hung out with anyone outside of school. My parents said I couldn't date anyone until I was a junior in high school. That didn't bother me a bit. I simply wasn't interested at the time. But now, I'm a sophomore in college and I have yet to go on a first date. It's not for lack of trying. It's just every time I ask, I get turned down. Now I'll admit, I'm not very good at asking. I'm not good at talking to people in general. But it is kinda discouraging when you expect to hear, "no" as the answer before you bother to ask the question.

Do you want to know the hardest part? Well, I'll tell you anyway. It's knowing the feelings you have for the person won't just go away, the second they answer "no". That sucks. (Sorry) But it does. From then on, every time you see that person, you're reminded of those feelings and your heart breaks a little more. I've heard that with time, those feelings fade and things get easier. Whether or not that's true, I have yet to find out.

I've heard people say, "Don't worry, God has someone for you." I politely smile and nod, but wish I had the courage to speak up and tell them, that's not how it works! No where in scripture does it say that God has someone picked out for you; a "soul mate" so to speak. That's not biblical. It might be a concept of "Christian culture", but it's not biblical. Guess I went on a bit of a rant there, sorry.

Seeing the person who turned you down, with someone else isn't easy. But I am happy for those people who have found someone to love and that loves them back. I wish that I could find someone. Maybe someday I will. But until then, I'll be where I always am. At home, in my room, alone, just trying to stay busy.

If you're reading this and you happen to be one of the two people I actually asked out, please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not mad or upset at you at all. There are no hard feelings. I love you and I'm truly grateful that you're still a part of my life.

I also know that some of the guys I hang out with are going to read this. Don't flip out or make a big deal about it. And don't be like: "aww, poor RJ," either. I'm fine, really. (Besides, you guys are pretty much the reason the percentage of time spent in my room over break isn't going to be 100%)

I had to find something to write about this week. This is just what happened to be on my mind. That's kinda the purpose of my blog, to write about the things I'm going through. Now, it's also about spreading love and encouragement as well as the gospel. Don't worry, I didn't forget about that part of the post :)

If you didn't read the entire post, you would probably conclude that I am a needy person, that I think people or a relationship will make me complete. Only part of that statement is true. I am needy. But I know, that no person could ever make me complete. Only God can. HE is what I need.

God never meant for us to be self sufficient. Instead, He designed us to need Him, not only for daily bread but also fulfillment of deep yearnings. He carefully crafts our longings and feelings of incompleteness to point us to Him. Therefore, don't try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power. Go to God with all of your neediness, with your defenses down, humbly seeking Him. As you spend time in God's presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find completion in Him.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

The Best Day Ever

What constitutes a day so great that you consider it to be the best day ever? I don't think it can be narrowed down to a single something. I think it's a combination of the things you did, the people you spent it with, and the way you felt throughout the day. I would have to say that yesterday, December 2, 2016 was my best day ever.

Now, I can't just pick a day and say it was the greatest without giving a reason. But trust me, there are plenty of reasons. The day was filled with laughter, good friends, and even those butterflies that fill your stomach before a presentation. I got to see so many of my friends yesterday and that made my heart happy. It was the day that a group of us who decided to do Secret Santa got together and exchanged gifts. I experienced a great deal of trouble making the gift for my person, but it turned out better than I could have hoped. The surprised look and joy on her face made all of the hard work well worth it. I love making things for people, after all, I am an artist and that's kind of what artists do. The gift I received was wonderful. My person got me a Captain America ornament. It was the cutest and coolest thing ever! A couple of other friends in the group joined together and got everyone a little something. I got a stocking with hot chocolate and a Christmas tie that plays jingle bells!

As many of you know, my family is struggling financially. The past several months have been really hard. My parents used to joke around every year and say: "well, there won't be much underneath the Christmas tree this year." This year, there won't be anything under the tree. We simply can't afford presents. And there's really no room to put up a tree because of all the stuff we've been moving over from my grandma's old house. It's fine. I don't need a tree or presents to celebrate Christmas. That's not what Christmas is all about. It's about the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior. And it's about the hope we have as Christians because of Him.

To be invited to participate in Secret Santa with a group of friends was a blessing. No one has ever thought to invite me to be a part of something like that. It filled my heart with joy. Those gifts I received may very well be the only ones I get this Christmas. So thank you guys!

Honestly, I enjoy being on the giving end more than I do being on the receiving end. It just makes me so happy to see someone else happy. Yesterday was also the day I "presented" my photography project to my friends. Somehow, they all graciously agreed to participate and have their picture taken. Before I ever asked any of them for their help, I already knew exactly what I wanted to do for the so called "project." I wanted to say thank you to my friends and get them all something for Christmas. But I didn't want them to know what I was up to. I wanted it to be a surprise. The project was also going to be one of my enrichments for the honors program. That part didn't pan out, but honestly, I couldn't have cared less about getting credit for it. All I really wanted was to show my friends how much I love them, how much they mean to me. I was grateful to get the opportunity to do that.

All of the ones involved in the project were able to meet me in the art building, (except for two, who couldn't make it). It was awesome seeing everyone there. I gave a little speech and explained the project, as well as the true purpose for it. I was slightly awkward, but that's ok because I'm always a little awkward. But it didn't really matter because the room was filled with people who love and accept me, awkwardness and all. Now,

I'm a hugger. So when everyone came up to give me a hug, I was overjoyed. I was crying as well as jumping up and down on the inside. Of course, I didn't let that show. I just played it cool, smiled, and hugged them back. It was great. Again, seeing the look on each of their faces and telling them how much they mean to me made all the hard work worth it.

I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out with some of my friends. We played cards, had supper, (by the way, thank you for paying for my meal. You know who you are), and watched a movie. I went to go see one of my friend's senior art show. She did an amazing job, by the way. Finally, I went to the late night breakfast. That in itself is awesome. I mean come on, who doesn't like breakfast for supper? Pancakes, maple syrup, blueberries, chocolate milk, orange juice... Oh I better shut up now. I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it. But, I also got to see many of my friends one more time that day at the breakfast. It was the perfect ending to such an awesome day.

My life wouldn't be worth mentioning if it weren't for Jesus Christ and what He did for me. Also, my life wouldn't be worth mentioning if I hadn't got to share it with some folks along the way. Thank you all for sharing your lives with me and for being my friends. I love you all so much!

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God."
1 John 4:7

"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:11-13