Words

(I wish I had a picture of myself to use for this)

"What is man, that You are mindful of him?" Psalm 8:4a

To think that God Himself cares about me - that is something I cannot fathom. Out of all the things and people He created, He decided the world needed one of me too. Why? I don't know! Sometimes I feel that the world would be a better place without me in it. I mess things up all the time. It doesn't matter how hard I try, I always get something wrong.

I had a bad day earlier this week. It was the day before classes resumed following winter break. I said some things I shouldn't have said, did some things I shouldn't have done. Things I wish more than anything that I could take back. But I can't. I realized the next morning the mistakes I had made. I felt bad and all I wanted to do was make things right. Sadly, it's not as easy as saying: "I'm sorry." Just because you realize the stupidity of your decision, where you went wrong, doesn't mean all is well - especially not for the other people involved in the situation. It pains me greatly to say this. But I have never hurt someone so badly as I did this time, in all my life.

Hurting another person is something I never wanted to do. And now I've gone and done the thing I hate most. You know the saying: "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" Complete rubbish. Words hurt far worse than any physical pain ever could. They cut deeper and tear further. Words are very powerful things. But words can also be used for good. It all depends on what you choose to say. Sadly, I chose wrong.

I promise I'm not singling out the person I hurt in this instance. (Truth is, I actually hurt a lot of people in this instance, myself included) You can believe that or not. My word isn't worth very much at this point, I know that. But I'm going to be real and own up to some things right now. I lost a friend just over a year ago. And by "lost" I don't mean the person died. I lost that person as a friend. To make a long story short, there was a lack of communication and it nearly led to me getting arrested. We don't talk anymore and we have since grown apart. I hate that: Losing somebody I care about. I was truly hurt by that experience and it was awful. I never wanted anything like that to happen again. Sadly, I feel that it is. Only this time, I caused the pain and I am the one to blame.

I've grown away from my own family. I'm not comfortable talking about 90% of things that go on in my life with them. I don't like that and I want things to change. I'm trying to make a change.

The point is, no matter the situation, I always say the wrong thing. I let my immediate thoughts and feelings get the best of me and say things I don't mean, things I later regret. If I should speak, it should only be out of love. And if I can't do that, then I need to shut my mouth. God created me out of His love. And He has shown me what His kind of love looks like. It's unconditional. It's pure. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 puts it this way: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." The first part of verse 8: "Love never fails." As a human being, as a man, I do fail. I fail to live out God's kind of love. But I never want to stop trying. Even through all of my mistakes, God has not given up on me. And after all He has done for me, I have no right to give up on Him - Regardless of how hard things get.

I'm here on this earth for 4 reasons.

1.  To give God praise, honor, and glory.
2.  To love others. That means everyone. 
3. To serve others. Yep, that also includes everyone. 
4. To share the gospel with EVERYONE. 

This life isn't about me. My life isn't about me. It's all about God. I'm ashamed, but sometimes I forget that. I am a selfish, wicked man. I do the things I hate and fail to do the things I should. I never want to hurt anyone. It doesn't matter if they love me or they hate me. It doesn't matter if they hug me or they hit me. The only thing I want to have for people is love.

I know I will fall short. I missed the mark badly this time. All I can do is humbly ask for forgiveness, SOMETHING I DON'T DESERVE! And hope that I don't lose someone because of a mistake that I made. Be it a friend, family member, stranger. A man, woman, boy, or girl. But even if I do lose them as I have in the past, I will never stop loving them.

Because...

God never stopped loving me.

"We love because He first loved us."
1 John 4:19

https://www.youtube.com/watch/HisKindOfLove